been a while....

i just don't feel right writing in the new space i created to keep those that lurk away.
i figured fuck it.
this is who i am and if they want to see the real me, then they can read away.
if it hurts them, then they need to keep in mind it might before they get in here.....
lights out lidge is pitching.....
we are up by one against one of the best teams in baseball right now....
amazing.
we will most probably choke in the post season though.
but getting there sure has been fun.
yay.... we won!
there is positively no way i could ever catch up on all that has been going on, so i guess i will start from wherever my deepest thoughts are today and go from there.....
cayci is angry because i wouldnt go and pick her up this evening.
not trying to be mean, but i have had people up my ass and have been up peoples asses, for a week today...
i felt the need for some alone time.
but then, maybe she did too. there are a ton of people staying there withthem that have been displaced by the hurricane and maybe she needed to get away.
i was trying to save on fundage and not have to make the trip to baytown and back twice. she has school in the morning.so i would have to go and come back and go and drive into houston in the morning. that would suck.
i have a meeting and have to dress.
that sux too....
my dryer is fucking with me still. that sux.
and my pc is wasted at work. sux muchly....
so at this point in my life.... things pretty much suck.
however, i have some amazing people that get me through the day....
steve is wonderful and never fails to humor me with his constant daily emails....
and joey... is one of the most amazing people i have ever felt without ever touching.
his positive attitude and warmth, not to mention the spirit he has.... you can actually feel it through the im's we send all day every day.
both of these people i have met from my space.

steve, i actually met in person when i went to pennsylvania in july.
we talked online for a while with the webcam.
he is the only person i had ever talked to using that. the only one i would.
he was awesome when i met him. not like sexually, cause that never happened.
although looking back, i wish i would have allowed it.
he took me to gettysburg. it was really cool. and i really had a great time. but couldnt remember the details of the whole ordeal. so we rented the movie and watched it. it is hours long and of course i fell asleep. i had driven close to 5 hours to see him. so i was tired.
now, however, this past vacation to pennsylvania, will be the best i ever had.
and nothing happened.
amazing.
i spent the night at his house. we slept in the same bed even....
but it wasnt about sex.
it was about talking and getting to know each other.
without the sex.
and i felt that if we would have went forward with that, things would not be the same today....
although we dont keep in touch as constant as we did in the beginning, we still talk. and i have a deep found respect for him not pressuring me into something i wasnt ready for.
it was an awesome visit.

joey....
hmmm....
how do i explain him....?
joey is amazingly spiritual.
he always has a way of making me see things in a different light and feel better about whatever it is about whats going on or what i confide in him about....
and he has the most amazing eyes....
and his mouth....
yummy.
he lives in san francisco and i want to meet him too.
i even agreed to talk to him on the webcam too.
i dont do that
but i will with him.
now its him and steve. and those are the only ones.
i am still not comfortable really withthe whole thing. i am with steve and i guess i will get that way with joey.
i love talking to joey.
he has the best attitude of anyone i have ever talked to.
i could talk to him all day and night.
he has this way about him that makes me feel like i am so beautiful.
and its not like he is hitting on me...
he lives s o far... i doubt we will meet, as i have no need to go where he lives.
but we can meet in the middle....
or we can meet someplace else....
but i would really like to meet him to see if he makes me feel the same way in person that he does on the camera and computer.....
as of right now. i am going to bed.
it has turned midnight and i need some rest. i have slept on a couch, the floor and my car for the past week.
i need some good rest.